I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
