I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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