I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My balls are so social today.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize