my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
