We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
