everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
time to smoke my breakfast
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
