please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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