after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
