i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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