it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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