Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
A+ Viking dick
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
