when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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