My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
