I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
