I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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