I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize