So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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