So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
