I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It's never too late to be topless.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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