I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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