Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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