this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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