we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
