this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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