there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
