Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
