Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
