just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
