apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
