She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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