i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
