We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
