did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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