ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
