Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
