Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
