you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I love having hate sex.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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