hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
