Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
