He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
