At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize