The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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