Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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