I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
