You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize