I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
