My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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