the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
time to smoke my breakfast
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
