apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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