dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
