6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Semen is not good for contacts.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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