Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
