True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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