I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
