I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm at about main and main street
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
