I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
