Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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