I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
