watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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