The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
