this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
