I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
