I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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