Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
