Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
