Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
