its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
