we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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