she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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