Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
