i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
