Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
