i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
