A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
