goodnight i made you a song goodbye
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
