her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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