Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i jhust puked up my retainher.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize