he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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