A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
My cat gives me a boner
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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