Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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