It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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