I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She's the barista slut.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
