we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
