just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
